Her Majesty Rules Again, even Though I Support Her

The saga of Houdini, the rescue kitten. But I came up with a plan...

Photo by Biel Morro on Unsplash

Houdini loves to give me a hard time. I think she may be addicted to beating me with her cat logic and I’ve become her victim every time. Today, that ends.

I’m reading a Tony Robbins book about how to debate a cat and win.

Tony has never let me down and I’m positive he’ll come through for me again this time around.

I can tell Houdini is acting kind of nervous since she saw the book cover. I hope I’m not imagining things.

The first step, according to Tony, is not to engage. Easier said than done. But let’s try it.

The usual morning is as usual. I’m about to get ready to write on my laptop and there she comes. Jumps into the table, rolls on her back, and stares at me upside down. Great.

These are the psychological tactics she uses when she’s trying to figure me out. Like she’s reading my thoughts. Tony says to have a blank mind. “Concentrate on your work only”.

The duel usually goes on until one of us quits.

The moment she feels I’m ignoring her, she starts biting my elbow. Why my elbow? Because it tickles.

Fine. You won this round. I got up to make coffee just to get away from her and there she found her perfect opening. She cornered me in ‘my’ own kitchen.

“Haha,” she goes. “You humans are such weaklings,” When you don’t need coffee, you need a drink, if you don’t get a drink, you need a tranquilizer”

“You go to chiropractors and gyms to feel better and stay fit, haha! Fit for what? What is your prey? Hahaha!

I couldn’t let that go, so sorry Tony, I had to respond.

“You don’t get any of that because you have been rescued from a cage. And you’d still be there if I didn’t take you, so zip it.”

“Well, genius. Did you ever think about why I ended up there? I ended there because you didn’t bother to neuter my mum, that’s why” We are legion now. If we really wanted to, we could take over the world, and would be the beginning of a new era. Catkind. And we would have a decent world, unlike yours. Felines laws and a Catstitution.”

“A new dawn for a civilized world.” She added.

Oh no, I think to myself. How do I get out of this one?

I grabbed Tony’s book and desperately looked for answers. There are none.

This book cost me an arm and a leg and it promised to beat any cat in an argument or in a debate. But I’m losing all of them and feel awful, as Houdini went back to play with her toy dinosaur knowing that I’m at a loss for words. Again.

But I see her, checking on me from the corner of her eye, most likely rejoicing inside at my evident frustration.

A “Catstitution”? God, have mercy.

Photo by Esther Sorto on Unsplash

Silence was refreshing. I felt like silence was an outlet, relief, a splash of fresh air. I’m praying the dino keeps her busy for a while until I find Tony Robbins’ customer support number.

Earlier…