I'm Gonna Quit my Job

and freelance for Hollywood instead.

Ok, so I’m not going to quit my job as a screenwriter for the California studios, but since they’ve strong-armed me (and manhandled me) to join their WGA strike, I’m left with little choice but to generate profit elsewhere. And I got a dog to feed, not to mention an ex-wife that’s killing me with alimony payments. What has this world come to?

Everything is ass-backward, seriously. Inflation is lower in Madagascar, for crying out loud. If the present situation doesn’t change soon, we may have to move there or to Mauritania, where my doggo has relatives.

Now, we also have to compete against AI, like we are morons who can’t conceive a good story if our lives depended on it….oh, wait! It does!

Ok, scratch that, the bots are good, but not as good as sentient, emotional folks who pour their souls out on every HUMAN written story. Ha! Good luck with that, silicon valley. You suck!

They’re so dumb; now they have to have AI policing AI to make sure they don’t step out of bounds. Then, you have human fools going around vociferating, “Be scared, be very scared!”.

Scared of what exactly? Of ChatGPT writing a better non-human story with a counterfeit Nvidia chip? Hahaha! Good luck with that if all they can do is copy what we wrote long ago, taken from Wikipedia to boot.

Ok, fine. They are more “sophisticated” and bet they bathe with the best French bath soap, but that doesn’t mean they got the right to steal my job. Last I heard, we invented you, not the other way around. Right? Damn right!

All we need to do is unplug and do away with you altogether. Take that Nvidia chip and stick it nice and deep where the sun don’t shine. We are human beings, haven’t you heard; you clumsy bot without a mother?

Try writing something humorous without repeating the same word every other sentence. You can’t. You have no sense of humor or irony over the capacity of a six-year-old. And don’t ask the bot for sarcasm; it would trip all over itself.

But the big-wigs are saving a bundle now, having them write the scripts, so we end up with window cleaners’ severance paychecks in the building we had an office just two weeks ago writing the movies that made them rich, to begin with.

Whoever said — wisely — that the safest place is in our mother’s womb wasn’t kidding. I’ve already asked her and my request was vehemently denied.

Cruel, cruel world.

Related: Tech CEO issues warning about AI