The Problem with Comparisons

The more we look at other people's doings, the less work we do for ourselves.

Photo by Johnny Briggs on Unsplash

Comparing yourself with someone else is like walking and looking over your shoulder. It's the fear of swimming because there could be sharks nearby.

Or, why go to college and get my coveted degree if there will be other students smarter than me?

Shall I ask my love interest for a date? No, she possibly likes someone else already.

If we act that way, we'll never get anywhere or live our lives correctly.

Letting our insecurities dictate our decisions is one of the worst things we can do for our progress as people.

We are unique in every sense of the word. It doesn't matter if we say, “Bravo!” and the person beside us says it, too. The energy we project has no equal. Their bravo! is theirs and has its own sound, presence, and feel. We are unique. OMG, we are unique!

We must repeat that in front of the mirror. And remember.

Because who are we otherwise?

Aren't you the one to whom your mother gave birth? Unless you were a twin, you came alone into this beautiful yet challenging world.

You. A trillion times you. No one else.

Alone, we came, and there's nothing wrong with that. The opposite.

We are stardust from a supernova's death. Many have established that countless times.

Maybe we can't name the one we came from, but so what? It continued to be a star until the situation shifted. A cosmic particle exists in us in a universe that belongs to us and our fellow earthlings.

When the wise say, "We are one" he's not spewing some hippie nonsense. We must reflect in the mirror. Who else are we? Weren't you born alone? You, and only you, a trillion times over. We arrived alone, we are alone, we cry alone, we love alone, and we die alone. No one else is within us. Just us. And that's okay. It's alright. We are stardust from a star's death. We might not know its name, but it was a star. A part of the universe that belongs to us and all beings on earth. When the wise say, "We are one," it's not nonsense.

It's an empirical truth. Lest we forget.

Comparison is another form of self-sabotage. It destroys imagination and creativity. It's because we think we're not enough—or worse, we're unworthy. Find the logic behind that premise if you can. Good luck! You won't find it because there isn't any. Everything is energy. We are energy—absolute, innate, core-based, supreme energy. How can you compare such power with another? There isn't such a thing.

Remember that.

Your uniqueness is yours and yours alone. It's hard to believe that you are one of a kind, being one of the 8 billion people on the planet. But you are. It's that simple.

What you do, what you feel, what you smell, or who you kiss is a unique experience exclusive to you alone. All those millions of other people kissing cannot possibly feel what you feel.

Because it's your kiss. Just like it is your moment. No one else's.

And it's glorious. Can we agree?

So, if we can't compare how we feel, how can we compare anything else, much less anything fundamental?

That guy has a more attractive nose. Those legs are longer than mine. That house is cheaper than mine.

When we stop and consider the ridiculousness of such thoughts, we enter a world where everything is indeed possible—because awareness is critical.

Stages

Once we realise the triviality and frivolity of those mind games and get over them, we can say we have grown to a higher plateau of existence.

We have matured a tad more. Make a toast!

Next, we are seeking to improve on those terms. We realised the absurdity of the old concept, and now it's the next challenge. Understand why we do what we do.

Competition comes to mind. Here in the West, they encourage us to compete—not only that, but to do so as frequently as possible. Take no prisoners. And those second-place, silver, or bronze medals are for losers. Really?

And who came up with such prejudicial thinking, our dads? Because I doubt that mothers adhere to such an idea. What nonsense!

All who participated are winners—every single one of them—just for showing up and not being taken aback by the anxiety of the moment.

Would you tell a partially paralysed man he shouldn't have run? Would you? I sure hope not.

How about the autistic person who is willing to join a social club? Would you deny him entrance? Of course you wouldn't. We are decent human beings, after all. The best of us have empathy and compassion, and we thank the heavens for those.

It's important to acknowledge how fortunate and privileged we are that we don't have those conditions and to behave accordingly. Respect, understanding, and kind support when needed.

Once we reach that height in our own consciousness, we will arrive at a higher frequency in our humanity.

Competitions must be re-evaluated. They often cause more harm than good, especially when one doesn't fully understand winning and losing.

The corporations and our societies must get off that pressure-cooker train.

First place is excellent, but it shouldn't be at the expense of those who endured it with the same pain and sacrifice. Last place should be as proud as everyone else for having crossed the line and suffered equally. Whoever quits also must be given credit for giving it a chance to begin with. It takes a heart. Kudos to you all!

The futility of comparisons

How much thought does a person need to engage in it to understand that it's an exercise in uselessness? What does it advance? Where is the benefit?

Theodore Roosevelt once said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Another writer said that comparing belongs to mediocre minds trying to fit in and pretend they're among the competitors. No, they didn't mince words. Once you do, you lose the message.

Another excellent quote says: “Don’t compare yourself with others; compare yourself with who you were yesterday.” ~Jordan Peterson.

Photo by Randy Fath on Unsplash

Writers are, by default, strange creatures. We literally rely on a world of words to communicate what we think. It's not difficult to feel overwhelmed. Many of us are insecure to begin with, which is more of a reason why we became writers.

Such insecurity affects all of us equally. The beginner, the almost-published, and the superstar. We are all bitten by the same bug. Is it warranted? Maybe it is, as breaking through is such a competitive and challenging endeavour. Moreover, it pertains to what we most value: the brain.

We tell ourselves that only successful, overly intelligent people can succeed in the literal world. Only the ones with the highest IQs will make it. That is obviously a fallacy, but people believe it to be accurate, hence all the comparisons.

Even before becoming published authors, we fall for small comparisons. These are in the world of “likes,” “claps,” stats, etc.

We waste precious time comparing those numbers as if they mean anything. To a point, if we don't watch out, that behaviour could quickly turn into an obsession. We reap nothing.

If you find yourself checking someone's subscriptions, you're doing yourself a disservice. It also hurts your pending work.

It's the same if you admire writers because of a blue, red, or purple mark beside their names.

To you, it should mean nothing whatsoever. To the author who placed it for recognition or bragging rights, he must know his reasons. And we shouldn't judge them. Their reasons could very well be legitimate.

Mind your business and remain there. Remember that.

If you compare yourself with other writers, ensure your comparison pays off.

Change “compare” with “follow” and learn from such an author. Find someone you admire and see everything he or she is doing right. Read his or her work, study it, and break it down if possible. If you must compare, compare all the things they're doing that you should be doing —but are not.

Take notes. And read them.

That's the only way comparison would work. To improve your style, learn, and become better at your craft. This author or authors you admire and look up to are human beings just like yourself. If you appreciate them enough to learn from them, consider them teachers placed in your life at the right moment. Let them know so. Send them a thank-you note, a rose, or a box of Swiss chocolates. I guarantee you'll get a note back.

That's all I can think of about comparing ourselves to others. Lighten up your burden. False comparisons are baggage packed with jealousy and envy. You are better than that. 

~o~

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