These four have been friends since they first met each other by the stream that goes through the north corner of the forest, right by my cabin.
I couldn’t have picked a better place. Four different species: a lone wolf, a doe, a raccoon, and a teenage opossum. Tight as a sailor's rope. But they can’t stop arguing. Sometimes, they get so loud I have to shout, “Be quiet!” out my window for them to calm down. They're used to me by now; they might think I’m crazy. And on that, 'Ditto! I mean, who argues loudly in the middle of the night?
They do—only them.
So, I imagine what they are saying… and let my mind wander.
~o~
“Found pears and cowberries! I found 'em first! So I’ll eat them first,” said Romy, the lone wolf.
“Liar! I showed you where they were yesterday, and you went there sneaking this morning and stole the lot. You scoundrel!” said Machito, the raccoon.
That started the who does what, when, how, and most importantly, why.
Scooter, the doe, appears to side with Romy. You can see the association almost always. They go places together, so they are close. And they always brag about being faster and more robust, especially Romy.
The other two, Machito, the 'coon, and Lucia, the possum, made it even, preferring to stick up for each other. No wonder they make so much noise.
Romy was about to start on his delicacy when, of course, Machito jumped on it and grabbed it. “No, you don’t,” he said with confidence.
“Who do you think you are? He continued. “Find your own shit, and then you can eat it!
That sounded so funny that the other two, witnessing the spectacle in silence, started laughing like crazy people.
“Besides, you always do this. You wait until we suckers tell you about a treat we found, and you go like a vulture, like a thief in the night, and steal it.”
“Me?!?” said Romy.
“Boy, you’re tripping. I did that twice, and that’s because nobody went to get them, and I was a little hungry. What, you've never been hungry before?”
“That’s not the point!” said the ‘coon. “Quit lying.”
“Pfft! You can have it. Since you are so weak and old, I’m going to let you,” Romy said, chuckling.
Then, looking towards Lucia and Scooter, he said, “And you two, what are you staring at? Go get some berries and apples so we can have them for a healthy breakfast. You can’t afford to lose any weight.” He went on, laughing loudly.
“Hey, that's a good idea! Scooter said.
“Damn good idea!, echoed Lucia, standing right behind Scooter, just in case trouble started. But you should go find them since you are younger, according to what you said. We are too old and tired,” she added, stretching.
“Yep, your turn, youngster,” Machito said, which made everybody laugh even louder.
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It’s no wonder they wake me up at night.
Then Rony started again: “And who fed you when you were all crying for food two winters ago, with all that snow? Huh? Who went to Mrs. Thompson and got that chicken?”
“Yeah, and I got a bunch of eggs, remember?” Machito rebutted.
“So, if it weren’t for me, y'all would have starved!” Romy said, pointing at everyone.
“Hey! I got enough eggs for everybody! Don’t even go there.
“Apples and oranges. I got the chicken; that was the big meal, and you know it.”
“Yes, whatever. Didn’t you just say ‘apples’? We were just talking about them, and since you are the strongest and fastest, go get us some. Machito said, provoking a reaction from the others.
“Yeah...yeah, yeah!” They all jumped up and down in agreement, except for the doe, who just gave tiny hops.
“Oh, yeah?, Romy said, “How can I carry them, geniuses? I'm not making a hundred trips. I’d need one of you slow pokes to come with me. I know where they are, but Lucia can carry them back, and you can help too, Machito. That is why Mother Nature gave you hands and a pouch for Lucia. And since we are at it, we may as well grab a chicken, too.”
“Ok, then we must organize and have a plan. Mrs Thompson has children old enough to use a gun.”
“A gun?!!!?... I ain't going! I don’t wanna get shot. Are you nuts??” Lucia shouted.
“No, nobody’s getting shot, said Romy. We go at night when everybody’s sleeping, including the chicken we’re stealing.”
“I don’t like that word,” said Lucia. “I’m not a thief. I’m a dumpster and trash-can research professional.”
“Then you won’t get any of it, that’s all,” Scooter and Romy said almost simultaneously.
“It’s okay; let her be. Everybody knows she means I’m the thief here,” Machito said. That’s cool; I’m not offended. It takes brains to be a good wildlife thief, and you have none! Hahah! But you WILL take some eggs and bring them back!”
“And what will Scotter do, then?” Lucia barked back.
“Ha! I’ll be the lookout and the bodyguard. What else?”
“Yeah, she does pack a punch with those hooves!” Machito said.
~o~
The night of the big heist, they were terrified but didn’t want to show it.
It was the most easy-peasy robbery west of the Mississippi. Stealth and quick, and it was over in seconds. Lucia couldn’t fit any more eggs in her pouch, or she wouldn’t walk. Using their planned escape route, they rushed back into the night by the stream. Just in case the dogs were loose.
Success!
Someone proposed to get drunk in celebration with some stashed compost, and, of course, all agreed in such excitement.
Life in the wild is incredibly tough, so you must have friends who have your back, and these four loved each other and wouldn’t hesitate to risk their lives for one another.
~o~
When things went right, there was plenty of reason to celebrate, even if it kept the humans awake for a bit longer.
That is unlikely, I agree. I have 6 dogs, they are not friends!