Houdi Wants to Go Stray

And wants to debate that possibility with logic and Cat reasoning.

I'm minding my own business and Houdi, my beloved pain in the ass, decides she wants to mess with me. Only because she's bored. So she starts with head-butts to get my attention. Like I don't know she's there already. Then, as usual, she sits still--like only cats can do-- staring at me in complete silence. Stalking, observing, planning…

I don't dare move, instead checking her out with the corner of my eyes. Finally, I dare say, “Not a good time, miss, I'm in the middle of something " 

Why, oh my God, why did I fall for it? I did it again! 

So she accepts the “challenge" and goes: 

“Why do you humans always-- " in the middle of something, and neglect the real important things? Like petting your Cat? Hmmm?”

I opt to ignore her and continue working on my desktop. 

"I get it. We are just pets. Only decorative toys to make you humans think you are complete. Accessories, really.”

"In the middle of things, ha!” -she continues. Sorry, but that's the dumbest thing I ever heard. Why not at the beginning or at the end? That, at least, would make you guys sound more intelligent, like us. Like you are actually doing something, not just using it as an excuse, which is what it is. Ask any animal. They'll tell you. You guys think by lying all the time, you'll get out of trouble. Or inconveniences, which is what we are most of the time!”

Since she's not getting any response from me, she tries the "let's be cute for a minute” tactic. 

Hence, she invades my keyboard, turns completely on her back and decides to look at me upside-down. 

Silence ensues. 

Stuck again. 

What am I to do? Stare back? Oh, she'd love that. 

So, I choose to babysit for a few. Try to get her attention with her favourite dinosaur. 

She sits up but doesn't bite. 

I know! Let's try the laser beam, that HAS to work. 

Nope. She starts to clean herself again, totally ignoring my efforts. For a whole ten minutes.

I grab my tablet and try to gather my thoughts. As soon as I start typing she yells, “I never have any fun anymore!! I want a boyfriend!" 

Lord, please. Not that again. 

“Why should you get to have all the fun?”

“Nonsense, Houdi, and you know it," I reply frustrated. 

“It's not! You have loving girlfriends over or whatever; you entertain your friends, go out, come back when you please, and watch movies. Me? I get to stay home guarding everything with a ridiculous toy Dino. Boy, how exciting!"  

"Hey, you're a rescue cat! You'll be dead or worse if I didn't get you. That's got to count for something.”

“Yeah, well, it doesn't! It counts for nothing. You should have let me die. It would've been a better fate.”

"Do you know what your problem is, Houdi? You're a rotten spoiled little brat! That's what you are.”

"Hahahah, Dad.  Maybe I was, but but anymore. Besides, I am not little. I'm two y/old and you forgot my birthday. See?”

"Don't try to digress, you know that I know what you're doing.”

"Oh, you think so, eh? Dad, I'm doing nothing! That's the problem. You humans are so self-involved you miss the forest for the forest.”

"For the trees.”

"Whatever.”

"The point is, I want out! I want to chase birds and mice, walk on cables and roofs, jump buildings and trees, give my boy a massage.”

"Do you have a boy that you give messages to? Since when?”

“Metaphorically.”

"Metaphorically speaking.”

"Whatever. Let me out!”

"No. You'll get run over by a car.”

"OMG. There are no cars on the rooftops! Or haven't you heard”

“Don't be a smart ass, Houdi. You could get electrocuted on cables, all kinds of things." 

“How would you know, Dad? When was the last time you went on one? Jump on a roof, or go up a tree?" 

“Well, when I was a kid. I did that and more." 

“Ok, then you know what I mean. I'm glad we comprehend each other." 

“Understand. Understand each other." 

“Whatever. So, are you gonna let me out?" 

“Absolutely not. You'll get pregnant and bring the kittens over here." 

“You get preggant before me, I'm not stupid." 

“Pregnant, Houdi. You'll get pregnant, not preggant." 

“Grrr…I know what your problem is. You're jealous of my youth and vitality. That's what! Besides, you seem to have conveniently forgotten that I'm neutered, Mr Brainz …”

Long silent pause and stares. 

I won't concede defeat this time around. 

But I feel comfortable calling it an impasse. A draw. 

One day I'll be able to definitely declare victory. 

And yes, it would be the first. 

But no matter what, love always wins. ❤️❤️❤️

___∆___

Until we meet again…

Love and light. 🗽❤️

René

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Thank you for reading!