I Need to Take My Cat to the Shrink

But she refuses to go in a calmly manner. The Houdi Saga, part 8.

This cat is driving me nuts. In the morning she wakes up and starts by licking my ear. If I don't react quickly and pet her immediately, I got another thing coming. She's crazy, I swear. Possessed by strange diabolical forces, she's beside herself.

Always picking arguments when she's bored and fed up of playing with her toy dinosaur, usually her favourite.

I'm her second choice for toying about. On a bad day, I easily become her first. But she's crazy like a fox and knows how to play me for a fool and works every time. If she knows she's losing an argument with her “cat logic", she turns into a cutie pie and rolls on her back and stares at me upside-down. And I fall for it. That's the problem. Never fails and we both know it.

Something could be wrong with her, my brain speculates. What if she's a brilliant scientist trapped in a cat's body? Gasp!

Maybe I should bring her to the shrink or the vet. Whomever is cheaper, since I'm broke.

Guess whose fault is that? Yes, that's right. Hers!

She stares at me like she's reading my thoughts. I hate it. Because I know she knows what she's doing. It's all part of a plan.

I don't finish thinking what I am thinking when she says, “You humans are so self-absorbed. The world doesn't revolve around you, y'know."

I'm stunned.

"Try to take me to vet. And see what happens!” She exclaims, excitedly. "Last time you tried, you ate dirt.”

"You don't have to remind me. All because you jumped from my arms at the entrance and foolish me, I tried to catch you*

“Served you right. So, why you want to try that fiasco again?”

“Because you need help, you seriously do."

“I needs help? And you don't?

"Yes, I need help too, exactly. That’s why."

Oh, so you go to vet too? That's nize. We all go to vet together. Call your friends, tell them to bring handsome cat for me to play!”

"Of course. Anything else? Does…. that means you'll go?

“Yes! Just to get out of here and meet boyfriend.”

"Whoa whoa whoa. We can't let you loose and have you running around in the clinic!” I said, exasperated.

"Mister. We might wants to make love, eh? Her eyes lighting up with pure anticipation. "When was the last time you rolled around on the floor with reals passion?”

*OMG. Stop. Just stop.*

“No vet then?*

"I guess not, Houdi. I guess not.*

I knew from the beginning that it wasn't going to work. When you get a cat that happens to be a genius, you'll have to make certain adjustments to your style of living.

But I wouldn't have it any differently.

After all, it is a labor of love.

—∆—

Until we meet again …

Peace and light. 🗽❤️

René

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